Flamingo and the Quotations

Day 83: Wednesday

Morning, Tim!

Let’s jump right in.

Yesterday:

I was born ambidextrous, so I know this first hand.

More like you were born ambidextrous, so, you know — both hands.

For our readers, that’s the best I’ve got today. What follows will almost certainly be downhill.

Zak, when I first met you, before you married my sister, I’m pretty sure you were under the impression that the Socratic method was not only for philosophy but also for socializing.  Actually I’m pretty sure that exact thought must have been going through your head during that season of life.

“I like your green tee-shirt.”

“Thanks.”

“Is green your favorite color?”

“Um… actually, it is.”

“And why’s that?”

To clarify, is that how we became friends? Because I’m pretty sure with your sister it was the purple dress 🙂

do love to socialize that way. What’s your favorite this? Between these two (ridiculous) options, which would you choose? How many X do you think you could fend off before Y happened?

And you got it right — the money question follows: “Why”?  We get a glimpse inside someone’s head, how they reason, feel, communicate, react. By beginning with ‘random’ questions there is an innocence to that barrier slowly eroding — the opposite of global warming, if you will.

Zak, in other letters I’ve often bemoaned the lack of sound advice to be found in classical literature for picking up girls.  It turns out I’ve just been reading the wrong books all this time.  The Greek philosophers certainly didn’t let you down.

Not a lot of commentary here. I just really appreciate this observation. A hearty laugh burst out when I read it. It rings just as true this morning and makes me smile.

I agree we can’t always take the advice of Greek philosophers — that why may only get you so far. But hey it got me to the girl, and for the rest, there’s that faith thing you mention.

Until tomorrow,

Zak

p.s. I realize I mostly just commented on your post yesterday. I had originally wanted to write about why curiosity was a good thing, and to some degree, I suppose we’ve suggested the benefits of being curious. But your post yesterday was just that good that I couldn’t help myself – my brief musings on curiosity simply wouldn’t have been as good.

p.p.s. I’ve had this thing lately where I’ve been acting like a flamingo. Your sister has been irate and told me to stop it. I didn’t want to, so I put my foot down. I guess she won anyway…

p.p.p.s. The title of this post kind of sounds like a really bad name for a band…

Passionately Curious

Day 81: Monday

Morning, Tim!

At work, we have this commitment to “being curious over right”. The idea here is that, rather than being committed (with ego) to a position or idea, to take on the lens of curiosity and understand why people might be coming to a different conclusion, how their background and experiences contribute to their understanding of the thought at hand.

In your last post:

You could present the most pointless and ridiculous ideas to him, and he would always dive right into them with you head first.  There wouldn’t be even a moment of hesitation to ask how worthwhile something really was.

I think there are hints of that theory in your professor’s actions. There seems to be a passionate commitment to curiosity, a keen desire to explore in order to better understand patterns, connections, ideas.

It’s curious that we have a commitment to being right. Certainly, the spot of dopamine the brain receives when being right helps. But put up mechanisms to fight our own ignorance, as if we don’t want to even explore the possibility that we aren’t right. What causes this blindness?

First, we love putting on the lens of confirmation bias. I’ve linked to the below comic before, but it’s one of my favorites so here it is again.C4C4E4A9-363E-4112-97D0-11964D9AC29F.jpg

The idea here is that we seek information that confirms what we already believe. Rather than take an objective lens, we put on blinders to information that is contrary to our existing beliefs.

Second, we don’t want our ego to be hurt. The way this pans out is our unwillingness to challenge others. We accept as fact or highly researched opinion others points of view, failing to challenge for fear of embarrassing others. Too often someone will state their point of view, perhaps more confidently than what they could otherwise back up if someone continuously asked “why”. But societal norms suggest we don’t do that to others — and likely because we would have a hard time handling that being done to us.

Third, there are elements of peer reinforcement. We fall prey to group think, choosing to go along with the crowd to balance the need for relationships and/or not have to do the hard work of thinking ourselves.

I like the idea of being curious. It’s something I look for in those I hire — people that are passionately curious to learn more, to understand how things work and why others think the way they do. I’m glad you’ve enjoyed that too. I hope we can continue to be curious.

Until tomorrow,

Zak

Control Freak Who

Day 74: Monday

Morning, Tim!

I really appreciated your capturing of The Importance of Being Named Ernesto – hilarious.

I wanted to start today with a knock-knock joke.

Knock-knock

Who’s there

Control freak, now you say control freak who

It’s tough to not be in control. I tend to think I can do it better than others. Oh, you’re looking something up on your phone? I should too — just in case. Or research that purchase. Or find it in the cabinet myself (…after you already said we didn’t have any left…). I’ll make the decision on when a work product is good enough, when and if we should meet to get further input. If people would just let me do it, it’ll turn out better!

But come on, that’s not even close to true. First, I don’t have the time to be that great at everything. Second, even if I did, I’ve proven myself time and again to be terrible with control, as evidenced by my waistline, grades, or lack of recognition by Todd, the front desk guy at my gym. I make mistakes times and again, and yet grasp for control all the more.

“Autonomy and control are cardinal virtues of the west” – David Brenner

There are gobs of self-help books. We also have a pretty good idea of the things we should be doing — be it exercise, education, sleep, putting down our phones more often, caring about others more (and not just in an academic or theoretical way…). So why aren’t we able to do these things, simply by ‘willing’ them?

I’d propose that by ‘willing’ we often mean lacking desires that are often against what’s ultimately best for us, and, when they do appear, be able to deny them anyway. In the case of cake, wow is that stuff good. But I probably shouldn’t eat 3 pieces. In fact, it would be best (…at least easiest…) if I didn’t have a desire for 3 pieces, but rather just one. Moreover, if I did desire 3 pieces, it would be great to say no. That would be control, an exercise of will.

Within that example, we need two things. The first we already noted was a sense of control, the ability to act on the ultimate desire. The second, then, is the actual desire we want to act in accordance with. I think that’s a confusing piece — because if we have ever changing second-order desires (the things we want to desire), then we don’t have time to build the habits necessary to actualize those.

Changing our second-order desires is ultimately like building habits. They take time and commitment, and only truly change if built over a period of time.

As a Christian, this is actually a beautiful thing. It means that we get to set our second-order desires once — in alignment with Christ — and then spend the long hours, full of falling short, in relationship with God ever-marching on. It’s by ceding our control that we actually might change into what we’d like to become.

Until tomorrow,

Zak

Undefeated

Day 72: Thursday

Morning, Tim!

I woke up this morning bleary eyed with no tail at all. Normally you want to wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed…but I suppose, given the option, not having a tail may not be so bad this morning…

I feel compressed on time, a bit beaten down. As I hit my alarm clock this morning, I recognized it mustn’t be tired at all. In fact, it’s the most consistent thing I interact with, time ever moving onward. Time is undefeated.

 

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…Except for daylight savings…

 

I then got to thinking about other things that go undefeated.

Playing tennis in high school, I would occasionally go to the courts with no one to play against. There was a wall with a painted line at the height of the net you could hit against, practicing control and consistency. That wall was also undefeated.

 

 

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…unless I hit it really high…

The last case of undefeated I could think of was my uncle playing horseshoes. Man can that guy play horseshoes…

 

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…no caveat. The man is that good…

Until tomorrow,

Zak

 

 

 

Trip to India

Day 62: Tuesday

Morning, Tim!

You may be immediately suspicious of my title — and rightfully so, as I didn’t actually take a trip to India. That said, it’s a little less dubious than when I tried to pass off a visit to Cologne

I did, however, visit Devon street, which was much closer to experiencing India than I ever had before. I went with a friend who took us to what he called a cabbie restaurant – nothing fancy, just very authentic. We had food from Hyderabad, what he described as the southernmost northern tasting – and in being so, took some spicy queues from the south. My friend ordered in what I believe was Hindi. We ate mutton biryani, chicken 65, and paratha. We ate with our hands as my friend told me about chicken 65 being a leaked recipe from the ever popular 65th item from the Buhari hotel restaurant.

It was an interesting experience. Unique. Growing up in a very rural, very small town in midwest America I didn’t encounter different cultures. I don’t say ‘often’ there because that wouldn’t be true – we simply didn’t encounter them at all. In college I wasn’t really faced with them either. It’s interesting to see how gigantic the world is, and wonder how anyone could act as though they’ve figured it out.

It’s eye opening – starting to see how much you don’t know. And ever more realize there is so much you don’t know that you don’t know.

It seems important to interact with things different than what we know. The unknown can be terrifying – the downside risk seems overwhelming at times, so fearing embarrassment for a cultural misstep, a violent act for reasons we can’t really explain, or perhaps even a bad case of diarrhea, we sometimes find ourselves closed off to new experiences and unknowns.

I’ve hated the city for quite some time. Growing up in my farm town I had space, I had nature with beauty abounding. I could see stars, breath fresh air, get a moment without smelling the sewers, hearing the whizzing of machines or the honking of car horns. Yet getting a taste of India helped me appreciate what the city has to offer.

Diversity isn’t a pillar, Tim. It’s no end in its own. But it’s remarkable how it helps provide perspective.

The world is too big for us to ever stop learning. We at times act like we learn what we like – growing up experiencing some positively and decide ‘yes’ and others negatively, deciding ‘no’. But the world is far too big – something completely unknown might be good. While we fear the downside of it being bad, we also must realize that all the good was once unknown to us as well, was once foreign. We have to continue to learn, continue to grow and develop, continue to take share ideas and life together…

…and food. Because that was good stuff.

Until tomorrow,

Zak

Oh! Almost forgot. Though I regrettably didn’t take pictures of my food (because that’s a thing now-a-days), I also had Thums Up, what my friend described as ‘Indian Coke’. Owned by the Coca Cola company, it was less carbonated and less sweet, and the sweetness almost had more of a molasses quality to it. It was pretty good!IMG_1110.JPG

Super Bowler

Day 56: Monday

Morning, Tim!

Yesterday was the biggest day of the year for American sports. The Super Bowl has come and gone.

I tried to pitch having a party where there was only soup to eat, and you had to pick between that soup or getting a bowl. It would have built teamwork between party guests, not too dissimilar to how the big game builds teamwork between players. Your sister wasn’t having it.

Over the weekend we celebrated a friend’s birthday at The Cheesecake Factory. It was a nice to spend time catching up with friends. When most meals come with a side, the waitress asks “…and would you like a soup or salad with that?” I take way too much joy in saying “Oh! Yes, a super salad does sound really good, thank you!”

In case you missed the game, it was quite exciting. The Patriots overcame a scoring deficit greater than twice what any team had overcome previously (in the super bowl…). Those are the silly kinds of statistics we got to hear on the TV. “No team has ever played in the Super Bowl in 2017 before these two; these two are both setting records right now because of that”.

But nevertheless, it was exciting. The grit to keep on chugging is commendable. As a wise woman once said:

What a game!  Kinda gives you a lesson to never give up even if things look bad and you’re down 28 to 3.

It only really applies when you’re down 28 to 3, though…

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Until tomorrow,

Zak

An arm and a leg

Day 52: Tuesday

Morning, Tim!

I have a midterm today, so won’t have a lot to touch on. I thoroughly enjoyed your post yesterday, despite you stealing one of my favorite jokes. I’m not sure why, but I feel some claim to one of my favorite comedian’s jokes. To ensure that you don’t “steal” any more (and to ensure I don’t try to pass any off as my own), I’m going to curate a few of my favorites below.

One joke with a fairly similar feel that I like to use around the same time as your statues joke:

I like video games, but they’re really violent. I’d like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It’d be called ‘Really Busy Hospital’

-Demetri Martin

Sometimes you have to be unapologetic about stealing a joke…just make people laugh. But if you aren’t,  you have to be careful with apologizing…

Saying, ‘I’m sorry’ is the same as saying, ‘ I apologize.’ Except at a funeral.

– Demetri Martin

Thankfully, all of these jokes are online, so no one can get away with joke theft….I’m not gonna make any money off of these.

Why is it a penny for your thoughts but you have to put your two cents in? Somebody’s making a penny.

– Stephen Wright

One last clip, with to bookend the amputee theme…

Until tomorrow,

Zak